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08年10月13日（月）
no matter what they say... |
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< 足が痛い
｜ モヤモヤ >
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no matter what they say, i am what i am.
i worked 8 and a half hours today and learned that i really want to get away from this crazy country. i just don't like the way people value some nonsense stuff.
people love girlie girls just because they think those girls are cute (and possibly weaker than they are).
my co-workers like this girlie worker who is just around 18 years old and has a high pitch.
when i was in the u.s. i learned that girls in the u.s. are strong, self-confident, sexy, and mature. and i learned that uniqueness is one of the most important aspects when people are attracted by someone.
unique people are popular in the u.s.
but people in japan like "normal," usual, ordinary people who dress like everyone else and talk like everyone else.
and i really hated that.
i didn't notice but i think i am more americanized than i thought. but my mind is half japanese and half american.
when i was in the u.s., i sometimes could not stand the way american people behave because that was so selfish and so individualistic.
but now, i cannot stand the way japanese people behave because they hate to express themselves and they are too collectivistic.
i am just a selfish girl who, once in a while, feels like being normal, but at the same time, want to express myself to the fullest and be unique.
i am like a half-done steak which is grilled outside but inside it's raw.
on my way home from work, i murmured how i was disgusted by the talk by those co-workers and seriously, i am sick and tired of those girls and this fuckin japanese culture.
sometimes i am proud of my being japanese but most of the time, i am not.
rather, i am embarrassed and ashamed.
i strongly feel that if i ever have a child, i want to raise him/her outside japan. maybe in the u.s. or some other countries.
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